Everything is turning different now. This is the world. This is the life I am going to face. Right now, I only got my family as my inspiration to move on. My dream to complete the our house renovation and to sleep in my new room. In a little way, day by day I'm inspired with the littlest dream I have.
I could now think positively. Feeling stronger after being torn to pieces. And admittedly, I may not totally out from the situation but I know in time, I'll be over it. There are just one or couple of questions left in my mind. I am still confused with how I decide. I may regret at the end. But on the other way around, are those things do not have regrets themselves? I'm too good to be betrayed, deceived, used upon or whatever terms some individuals call after giving everything I can give. Will I regret someday because I didn't do anything? Because I accepted my defeat just bound with tears and broken heart? So many things are lingering in my thoughts this time.
I am feeling betrayed after I had given my everything. But its too much if they would ask including myself. I wouldn't let anyone do that. I am me. Once strong and smart. I would stand again after fixing my self back. And I will show to them, that I will never break that simple...
And now I am alone with no one at my side, I have to decide with just my own contemplations. May I be guided with what are written on the stars!
Friday, December 18, 2009
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Bringing the Old Days Back
I got good things to celebrate today. I may not to share my happiness but for me it really counts a lot.
Today is quite surprising. After four years of looking after him, my close friend in college just appear right before my eyes. I never thought it would happen just like this. After searching him high and low, there he comes along.
It was perhaps five years ago since the last time I met him. We were riding in a bus going to our respective hometowns. We shared a lot of memories together. Sharing family problems, heart problems, and some more other things. This drew as closer as friends. Even sharing some cookies with each other as we talk about his family, and his love affair...
He was a smart guy. Graduated salutatorian. But his economic status did not hinder him to pursue his dreams. When he shared his life story with me, I got promised to myself before that I would be with him and his family to uplift their situation when I finish my studies. He had a very sad story with regard to his family.
When I come to the climax of the story, I never met him again. Never knew anything about him. I wonder if he had graduated from his baccalaureate degree. Many questions were hanged to my mind.
But today, all those things were answered. Though we had a short time chatting with each other, I remember the old days when we used to walk along the boulevard listening from him his sad story. I guess he is okay now. He was able to find good job for himself and his family.
And that one thing I learned... Things happened when you don't even expect it to happen. Sitting in the corner takes a lot of perseverance to wait for things to fall in their right respective places...
John Micheal, your story inspires me.
Today is quite surprising. After four years of looking after him, my close friend in college just appear right before my eyes. I never thought it would happen just like this. After searching him high and low, there he comes along.
It was perhaps five years ago since the last time I met him. We were riding in a bus going to our respective hometowns. We shared a lot of memories together. Sharing family problems, heart problems, and some more other things. This drew as closer as friends. Even sharing some cookies with each other as we talk about his family, and his love affair...
He was a smart guy. Graduated salutatorian. But his economic status did not hinder him to pursue his dreams. When he shared his life story with me, I got promised to myself before that I would be with him and his family to uplift their situation when I finish my studies. He had a very sad story with regard to his family.
When I come to the climax of the story, I never met him again. Never knew anything about him. I wonder if he had graduated from his baccalaureate degree. Many questions were hanged to my mind.
But today, all those things were answered. Though we had a short time chatting with each other, I remember the old days when we used to walk along the boulevard listening from him his sad story. I guess he is okay now. He was able to find good job for himself and his family.
And that one thing I learned... Things happened when you don't even expect it to happen. Sitting in the corner takes a lot of perseverance to wait for things to fall in their right respective places...
John Micheal, your story inspires me.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Meeting the Expectations
Though I got home at 1:00am last night, I still managed to wake up at 10 mins before six o'clock strikes. I got a phone call informing me that I will be attending a certain investigation. I can't sleep back. Thinking how would I spend my time and how would I able to make the output after the investigation.
It was a cold morning. And don't have plan to rise up early. My muscles were weary and I wanted to take time to rest after a long night of work.
Lot of things played in my mind. How could other people have expected a lot from me? When I, myself got a little trust in all I can do. Like today, at eight o'clock in the morning, I will have a meeting together with my the Regional Manager and act as his secretary. How could my wit manage the role he has given me inspite, I don't even have the knowledge to do things like the way he expected from me. The worst is, that, our company lawyer will be present too. Truly amazing. (hehehe)... Now, then I look at my self, I am just me... Seeing no something special I could do.
But anyway, I tried to keep what their eyes has seen in me. I would stress out what they expect from me. No matter what, I would try to break a leg from all of this...
It was a cold morning. And don't have plan to rise up early. My muscles were weary and I wanted to take time to rest after a long night of work.
Lot of things played in my mind. How could other people have expected a lot from me? When I, myself got a little trust in all I can do. Like today, at eight o'clock in the morning, I will have a meeting together with my the Regional Manager and act as his secretary. How could my wit manage the role he has given me inspite, I don't even have the knowledge to do things like the way he expected from me. The worst is, that, our company lawyer will be present too. Truly amazing. (hehehe)... Now, then I look at my self, I am just me... Seeing no something special I could do.
But anyway, I tried to keep what their eyes has seen in me. I would stress out what they expect from me. No matter what, I would try to break a leg from all of this...
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Night Wind
Life wouldn't be the same now. So alone and after breaking the silence, here I go again. Thinking some beautiful things wishing to happen. I can't talk to anyone. I don't someone to share my feelings with especially now that those people who could I always talk about my feelings has left for greener fate. But they left me some good memories as friendship grows despite of our distance.
I'm feeling better now. I'm just missing some people who was one part of my journey. If only I could them close to me, I will. But fate has brought as far together. Maybe, this is let myself stand in my own fate to test the strength I have. Thanks to all the people who cared for me though I had only extended a little of my help. You guys are good friends really. Cieto, Johnny, and Kenneth. Though we shared a little of our time, you let me feel so much special.
I'm feeling better now. I'm just missing some people who was one part of my journey. If only I could them close to me, I will. But fate has brought as far together. Maybe, this is let myself stand in my own fate to test the strength I have. Thanks to all the people who cared for me though I had only extended a little of my help. You guys are good friends really. Cieto, Johnny, and Kenneth. Though we shared a little of our time, you let me feel so much special.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
A Long Day to Memorize
0845HH. The sun is up... And I just woke up...
Just in bed and found myself staring at the ceiling. My mind was empty when Johnny entered my room and asked how I was feeling. With a simple smile, just nodding and uttered, that in a little more days, I will be fine.
I couldn't resist this boy. He asked me if I wanted to go out. Hmmmm... Exactly. I was not in the mood to mingle anything outside my room. But he made me rise up on my bed and go with him. Where? To the Silliman Beach. Hahaha!
The sun is up. Kinda hurting to my skin. What a trip. It was Cieto, Kent, Irving, Johnny and I who finally made aggrement to get there. Wew!
When we went outside the house, it was drizzling. Yet the sun shone brightly. Perhaps, it would be a perfect day to enjoy the beach. Nothing special. Nothing new to myself. I was just quite in the group.
We arrived at the beach almost ten o'clock in the morning. Walking on the shore, we travelled the distance reaching at the end of the runway in the airport. We sit there for a while, talked things even beyong imagination. (hehehe... it was fun when the guard running after and warning us that it is prohibited to get in there...)
The place was good even we just stayed there for a while. The ocean breeze feels so much relaxing. It was calm and the breeze was so lonely... Yet I was awakened when I found out my friends are running away. (hahaha). I just calmly walked to the end and come after them.
They all plunged into the water despite of the heat. I was just watching them from the shore. Never had a plan to bathe in the sea. (I was freezing then).
When they played long jump, I joined them. (I wasn't a loser because I ranked second to Johnny in the game. The difference perhaps is a footstep. hehehe...)
We also had a trip getting inside the Silliman Farm where we watch the giant clams (I don't think it was giant) and crocodile in their pins. hehehe. Nothing remarkable. It was just a crocodile when I normally see long before. Just a normal reptile. We're just making fun of anything we encountered inside the farm like the aquarium, and with some precautionary signs inside. I enjoyed somehow. It was a big leap of moving on.
We returned home at noon time because I still have to report on duty at one o'clock in the afternoon. But after I was putting my uniform on, I was looking at Johnny and decided not to work. I then, called the office that I can just be at the office around six o'clock in the evening (and I succeeded to make an alibi, hahaha!).
We rode my motorcycle and went to the Carmelites and pray. It was Johnny, Irving and I. We stayed at the church maybe almost and hour then proceed to Sibulan church, to lit up a candle for St. Anthony. We just made a road trip even if the rain was heavy. We made it to Sibulan almost wet. Nothing in mind really but to enjoy the rain at the same time. After praying, we returned to the house. And since, six o'clock is too long to wait, Johnny suggested to stroll in Valencia and then, we found ourselves jamming in the Karaoke bar (hehehe) with the tanduay flat and a litre of coke. wew! I never drank anyway. I was still thinking that I would still be at work at six in the evening. That was almost four o'clock in the afternoon.
Time passes to quickly. That time we spent together with Johnny and Irving made me forget about what I'm feeling. Seems I am pulled out from the mud I was fallen unto. It's not easy to forget things when heart is concerned at all. But I was relieved by how my freinds keep me. I am just waiting for the day until I could finally said, that I was over it.
We returned home 1755HH. And I reported to work.
Just in bed and found myself staring at the ceiling. My mind was empty when Johnny entered my room and asked how I was feeling. With a simple smile, just nodding and uttered, that in a little more days, I will be fine.
I couldn't resist this boy. He asked me if I wanted to go out. Hmmmm... Exactly. I was not in the mood to mingle anything outside my room. But he made me rise up on my bed and go with him. Where? To the Silliman Beach. Hahaha!
The sun is up. Kinda hurting to my skin. What a trip. It was Cieto, Kent, Irving, Johnny and I who finally made aggrement to get there. Wew!
When we went outside the house, it was drizzling. Yet the sun shone brightly. Perhaps, it would be a perfect day to enjoy the beach. Nothing special. Nothing new to myself. I was just quite in the group.
We arrived at the beach almost ten o'clock in the morning. Walking on the shore, we travelled the distance reaching at the end of the runway in the airport. We sit there for a while, talked things even beyong imagination. (hehehe... it was fun when the guard running after and warning us that it is prohibited to get in there...)
The place was good even we just stayed there for a while. The ocean breeze feels so much relaxing. It was calm and the breeze was so lonely... Yet I was awakened when I found out my friends are running away. (hahaha). I just calmly walked to the end and come after them.
They all plunged into the water despite of the heat. I was just watching them from the shore. Never had a plan to bathe in the sea. (I was freezing then).
When they played long jump, I joined them. (I wasn't a loser because I ranked second to Johnny in the game. The difference perhaps is a footstep. hehehe...)
We also had a trip getting inside the Silliman Farm where we watch the giant clams (I don't think it was giant) and crocodile in their pins. hehehe. Nothing remarkable. It was just a crocodile when I normally see long before. Just a normal reptile. We're just making fun of anything we encountered inside the farm like the aquarium, and with some precautionary signs inside. I enjoyed somehow. It was a big leap of moving on.
We returned home at noon time because I still have to report on duty at one o'clock in the afternoon. But after I was putting my uniform on, I was looking at Johnny and decided not to work. I then, called the office that I can just be at the office around six o'clock in the evening (and I succeeded to make an alibi, hahaha!).
We rode my motorcycle and went to the Carmelites and pray. It was Johnny, Irving and I. We stayed at the church maybe almost and hour then proceed to Sibulan church, to lit up a candle for St. Anthony. We just made a road trip even if the rain was heavy. We made it to Sibulan almost wet. Nothing in mind really but to enjoy the rain at the same time. After praying, we returned to the house. And since, six o'clock is too long to wait, Johnny suggested to stroll in Valencia and then, we found ourselves jamming in the Karaoke bar (hehehe) with the tanduay flat and a litre of coke. wew! I never drank anyway. I was still thinking that I would still be at work at six in the evening. That was almost four o'clock in the afternoon.
Time passes to quickly. That time we spent together with Johnny and Irving made me forget about what I'm feeling. Seems I am pulled out from the mud I was fallen unto. It's not easy to forget things when heart is concerned at all. But I was relieved by how my freinds keep me. I am just waiting for the day until I could finally said, that I was over it.
We returned home 1755HH. And I reported to work.
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Moving On...
It's 2:26 in the morning. Still up thinking of the things I've been through. Realizing how strong I am that I've gone this far. Thanks to all the affection that my friends has given to me. The love and care that they showed to me when I was totally down. Thanks for encouraging me that the world hasn't totally turn me out.
Times for me was so tough. Fighting something which is no longer worth for. Yet, thanks for all the understanding. My friends have seen how badly I was broken, call my attention when I suddenly lost my consciousness, and tap my back when I suddenly cried. Thanks. You made me realize that I wasn't left by people who truly love me.
I was hurt. I tried to run away from the situation. But later, I understand that I need to face the truth. Not to hide from it. Not to run.
The care my family and friends has given to me comforted my feelings. I will move on no matter how hard it would be. I know I can. And you will see once again the sweetest of my smile (hehehe), then I could live my life without putting my happiness with others. I will now live my life and claime it is mine.
Thanks for the heartaches and pains. It made me a better man.
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Unfaithful Heart
Everything seems to be perfect. Everyone was once happy. I dream of something big. Then I dream with her.
I took out the responsibility I know, never owned because I wanted her to realize her biggest dream. ...her dream of becoming an accountant.
I meet her when I was in college. I was very young and she was too. But I started to dream of realizing her dreams after hearing her answers in the footage during a university's pageant. Her words were so desperate to realize her dreams. Then I decided to be the catalyst of what she said.
I was in my third year that time. So much eager to graduate so that I could start helping her. And though, I was also still in my studies, I find ways to bridge up the distance between us. Miles and miles we were apart yet, I still dream something big for her. It's working. I made it work. We made it work.
When she had claims for her school project, I was there to listen. From the simple VCO of the marketing class to the payment of her reviewer when she wasn't around. Enough for me to hear words of gratitude. Enough for me to hear that I am part of her family and only her family in the city we keep struggling. Seems just the two of us helping each other to survive.
I was treating her my wife and my everything. All her needs, I was trying to secure. All that I can. All that I am. And I was forgetting myself. I love her more than my family since I was able to forget them just because she was my priority. Because I had my dream with her. Because I believe, I could have my family next to her after her dreams is realized. I never realized that I was dreaming all about her. Just for her. Only for her. And I forget all the people around me.
Time may change, yet, I had proven to myself that never will I. From the start of our relationship, I was Michael. And all these years I am still am. Proven by time that my love will never change. Still I was on her feet carrying her and push her closer to her dreams. And now she's close, I was stepped on and left me broken. She had changed. She had forgotten everything. She has forgotten how I sacrificed to help her to realize everything.
I am not supposed to count all these things. But I am thinking from which point I had mistaken. And I realized one thing. I love someone with an unfaithful heart. It was just I care alone. It was just I was the only one to be true.
I love her and I wanted to let her feel the comfort even in my own small way. She has forgotten that I placed her in a dormitory to feel the comfort as she will study.
All my sacrifices were never appreciated. It was even betrayed. Her heart is unfaithful. She didn't love me. She never care for me. She only thinks on her own way. She never care about the way I sacrifice my everything just for her. She hurt me despite my doings. She only think of her own feelings. She has changed.
My life would never be the same now. Before, I got all my inspiration to wake up every morning and report to my work. But things has changed. And perhaps time for me to move on, and go my own way after trying to save our relationship. After enduring all the pains.
I am strong. I know. And this experience wouldn't stop me from living. I never lost anything. It's just them who lost something big because of condemnming me. I will move on. I will fix back myself. I will dream with myself. My family. And with my friends, who honestly care for me.
Enough is enough. I'll keep moving on. I don't deserve someone who would change in a moment. I had given you my all. Yet, you never get contented.
I took out the responsibility I know, never owned because I wanted her to realize her biggest dream. ...her dream of becoming an accountant.
I meet her when I was in college. I was very young and she was too. But I started to dream of realizing her dreams after hearing her answers in the footage during a university's pageant. Her words were so desperate to realize her dreams. Then I decided to be the catalyst of what she said.
I was in my third year that time. So much eager to graduate so that I could start helping her. And though, I was also still in my studies, I find ways to bridge up the distance between us. Miles and miles we were apart yet, I still dream something big for her. It's working. I made it work. We made it work.
When she had claims for her school project, I was there to listen. From the simple VCO of the marketing class to the payment of her reviewer when she wasn't around. Enough for me to hear words of gratitude. Enough for me to hear that I am part of her family and only her family in the city we keep struggling. Seems just the two of us helping each other to survive.
I was treating her my wife and my everything. All her needs, I was trying to secure. All that I can. All that I am. And I was forgetting myself. I love her more than my family since I was able to forget them just because she was my priority. Because I had my dream with her. Because I believe, I could have my family next to her after her dreams is realized. I never realized that I was dreaming all about her. Just for her. Only for her. And I forget all the people around me.
Time may change, yet, I had proven to myself that never will I. From the start of our relationship, I was Michael. And all these years I am still am. Proven by time that my love will never change. Still I was on her feet carrying her and push her closer to her dreams. And now she's close, I was stepped on and left me broken. She had changed. She had forgotten everything. She has forgotten how I sacrificed to help her to realize everything.
I am not supposed to count all these things. But I am thinking from which point I had mistaken. And I realized one thing. I love someone with an unfaithful heart. It was just I care alone. It was just I was the only one to be true.
I love her and I wanted to let her feel the comfort even in my own small way. She has forgotten that I placed her in a dormitory to feel the comfort as she will study.
All my sacrifices were never appreciated. It was even betrayed. Her heart is unfaithful. She didn't love me. She never care for me. She only thinks on her own way. She never care about the way I sacrifice my everything just for her. She hurt me despite my doings. She only think of her own feelings. She has changed.
My life would never be the same now. Before, I got all my inspiration to wake up every morning and report to my work. But things has changed. And perhaps time for me to move on, and go my own way after trying to save our relationship. After enduring all the pains.
I am strong. I know. And this experience wouldn't stop me from living. I never lost anything. It's just them who lost something big because of condemnming me. I will move on. I will fix back myself. I will dream with myself. My family. And with my friends, who honestly care for me.
Enough is enough. I'll keep moving on. I don't deserve someone who would change in a moment. I had given you my all. Yet, you never get contented.
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