Making a Different Story

Everyday is a new story. Unexpected. Unpredictable. You maybe happy today. But in a moment, you suddenly be sad. Life is never be at constant. The greatest pain strikes after you are happy.

Today. I am happy. So happy that it brings me back to life and started to dream on. Start to endeavor to bring my dreams to reality. I'm in love. Yes I am. And I feel stronger to stand before pains today. Who can tell. That I am still standing before all those thing has weakened me? Proof enough, that I can endure the pain in the name of love. The greatness of love makes me I am today. I can do anything from its magic. I know, and I know.

Everyday is a different story. I maybe happy today. I maybe inspired. But things would never be constant. But still, I am most willing to fight to catch my dreams and continue to live.

We are celebrating three years and seven months today. After all this years, my love grows even stronger for her, and even gone to the wildest dream at this far. We stand before the troubles that came up in our relationship because we dream together. And I pray, the dreams we have will keep our love alive.

So much happy today. So much happy that we come this far. God may continue to bless us and nurture our love with each other. I know. God has always been with us since we started. And the magic of finding two different people from two different places will tell that we are loved by God. This is the story I always wanted to share to the world.

Wish this moment would not end. I wanted to feel this way. I always wanted her in my life. Not just now. But even beyond at the beautiful sunsets of our lives.

Remembering Winter Solstice

I woke up early morning on December 17, 2005. Not much with the things I will be accomplishing but to have more time to think if I would attend the Systemwide Seminar and Workshops of the Univeristy Paper I was once a contributor with.

The cold breeze and drizzling sound of raindrops stopped me to fix up and prepare myself for leaving. Instead, I hid under my blanket and tried to sleep again.

15 more minutes as I gazed up my diver's watch before 6:00 o'clock in the morning strikes. Without any reasons, I jumped out of my bed and hurriedly took a bath, prepare my things out, and leave the house. I even forgot to put something in my stomach because I was in hurry. I don't know the mere reason. But I found out myself walking in the rain to catch up the L300 van, the service which would bring us to the main campus.

There were just few of my co-staff of the University Paper in the assembly area when I arrived. Inasmuch as I can remember, there were just about 8 staffs in there. I didn't have them in mind anyway because I don't have my spirit with me because I left it at bed. (lol)...I got straightly inside the van, took my bag as pillow and sleep. I noticed, in minutes we were leaving (I was sleeping then).

An hour after, we arrived at the main campus. The weather was fine. Bright sun in the sky. Seemingly, its gonna be a wonderful day. A new quest of experience worth remembering.

My co-staffs started to mingle and talked with other staffs from other satellite campuses. Yet, I was just sitted at the corner and got busy with my phone chatting with my friends I left in my hometown. I didn't care much really of the other staffs because I was hungry. (hahaha! waiting for the breakfast to be served.)

Moments come after, there came late staffs from Bais Campus. Wow. She catches my attention really. I stopped texting my friends over my phone and just looked at her. The first thing I noticed about her is her lips. Whoaahhhhh! Soft and seem to be nice. Next is her hair. I admit, I wanna touch it the first time I saw her. I keep it in mind. I never share anything of my thoughts and just kept it to myself.

We are so busy in the seminar and workshops. Different notable speakers and book writers where invited to give their lecture. Of course, it's inevitable fact that I would take a glance moments to moments to an angel I just newly knew. hahaha! But do business as usual. Demure, and demure. Don't even have plans talking to her because her eyes talks she is somewhat kind strict (and suplada). I just continued my business texting my friends even at the middle of the lecture. I was silent then. Feeling so sleepy.

Activities were rigid. From 8:00 o'clock in the morning straight to 10:00 o'clock in the evening. That time, still sitting at the corner waiting for the Bais Campus (from where she has been) to present at the program. Yeah. I admit. I admire her since I saw her in the morning.

Time runs so fast indeed. After they made a dance presentation, I was bored at the program wishing I could lie down and rest. But the program hasn't ended yet. After the program, tubes filled with Nips or Smarties (chocolate brands)were rounded to the staffs with only two clear warnings. First. Get inasmuch as you want. Second. Don't eat then yet. But because I love chocolates, I got a hand filled of smarties.

Wow! here's the instructions that made me crazy. Hahaha! Each color of the smarties represents something. Like red for lovelife, blue for family, green for future plans and whatever. I forgot the others. While I was waiting for my turn to speak in front, I had eaten some of my chocolates bring only five in front. hahaha! That was how made my talked shorter. While the program continues, I keep glancing her at the adjacent distance watching her eating the watermelon. hahah. she is so beautiful as she put the slices into her cherry lips wishing I was the watermelon touching her soft and red lips. hmmmmm... can't help it. She was just tempting me.

So after my talk, I looked for my room where I can rest. Need to save some of my energy for the next days activity. Simply, I smile was drawn in my face before I feel asleep because of her. Now, I thank the situation that I was to have the chance to come to the seminar thinking of what happened though, I haven't to her even a single word just merely glances (weehhhhhhh!).

The next day. Time to fix. Looking for the bathroom to take fix oneself. Good thing, the University has plenty of it. hahaha! Don't much have of difficulties to enjoy the shower since no once will demand he or she will be now the next. ._,

Breakfast time! After everyone was ready, time to eat. Don't enjoy much of the breakfast since it was an order by the fast food. Surely, rice and chicken doesn't make sense to me. But what's more enjoyable thing I had at breakfast was watching her slicing the chicken with here bare hands as she put it in her mouth. Her lips really looks nice. I was just in careful taking glance at her because she might catch the way I look at here. (giggle). Seems like I was a kid that time. Watching her every move... I did have the best breakfast ever!

I was more careful everytime I take a look at here since, I caught her boy buddy keeping an eye with me. I don't know what he thinks but there was something in his eyes. hahaha! (I doubt if he was sure he was a boy really). He might her about me. I notice his boy buddy touching her. So I guess, they were lovers that time. hahaha! (Though I doubted)

Erase... erase... erase... I hate the way he looked at me. hahaha!

Time runs so fast really. We are about to end the two-day Systemwide Seminar/Workshops for the University Paper. I'm quite sad. I thought, I would just keep the feelings inside me and let it happen as memories. I never talked to her yet.

But circumstances finds its way to exchange your words. I was busy preparing my things for leaving. Consciously, I put my kit in the arm chair. I didn't notice that my co-staff picked it up and brought it along with her (my co-staff) thinking I was too clumsy and I might forget my kit.

Without knowing, after packing up my things, I picked up the pick in the arm chair where I place mine thinking it was really my kit. Busy chatting with my other staffs, I notice her, looking her kit she place in the arm chair. To my notion, that I got the same thing in the arm chair, I check inside the kit and to my surprise, it wasn't mine. hahahaa! I was forced to talked to her apologizing what I did as my companion hand my kit over me. After, we talked, I found out she was nice to talk with. (wow... too late to realize.)

There were short conversations happened. Some were asking each other's personal mobile number. Moments after, they bid goodbye and she was on my mind from then.

Heading for home. We rode the bus and I wasn't in good thinking. She occupied the entire memory of my braincells. hahaha...

Time wouldn't tell how the magic started between us. Filled with surprises. Until I can't believe to the day, she became the biggest part of me. Now, my life. my future, and my love.

There's so much to tell. Some special things are hidden in every word I said. How we became lovers is a miracle of finding two hearts at a distant...

I found her first at winter. Yet, the love I have for her is hotter than the summer solstice...

...and it'll forever burns.

When Pain Strikes

Could hardly ponder things out today. I tried to be positive in every perspective I wish to see yet, difficulties to ignore the pain would always comes to the end. I wish to say, I am okay. I wish to pretend but I can't.

How could I live my life in a normal way if my reason to live is taken away from me? How can I build my dreams back if I do not have the courage to dream once more? I live because I dream with you. When I wake up looking at my reasons in a far distance, would only be the worst beautiful nigthmare.

Who are they to tell me the things that would make me happy? I alone can tell what makes my reasons to live. I had dreamed this far. Believing things to be alright after arduous situations we've been through. I won't give up to things I know belongs to me.

...I dreamed this far. So I'll be dreaming 'till I can.

Some Good Things Never Last...

I used to think I'm lucky enough to have some good things other could hardly have. I used to live in the world filled with dreams and happiness, and I never thought there would come a time that these things will be taken away from me.

It hurts badly. Nothing compares. It seems I am alone from nowhere I could see no sunshine in the sky. Cold breeze always embraces me. Freezing my heart making myself numb that I could no longer feel anything but pain. This is the arduous part of my life. Filled with confusions and regrets. My dreams are shattering, and it's breaking me.

I smile not because I am happy. I smile to fake my feelings and wish to be okay. Yet, my mind can't stop thinking that at the end I will totally break. I'm afraid. So much scared from the world may bring to me now. I'm lost. Lost to the darkness which light is hardly seen, and if this would be, I might totally close my eyes to seek for light and would just follow my own to see.

How could I go on without you? How would I fix back myself when you alone can do it?