A Long Day to Memorize

0845HH. The sun is up... And I just woke up...

Just in bed and found myself staring at the ceiling. My mind was empty when Johnny entered my room and asked how I was feeling. With a simple smile, just nodding and uttered, that in a little more days, I will be fine.

I couldn't resist this boy. He asked me if I wanted to go out. Hmmmm... Exactly. I was not in the mood to mingle anything outside my room. But he made me rise up on my bed and go with him. Where? To the Silliman Beach. Hahaha!

The sun is up. Kinda hurting to my skin. What a trip. It was Cieto, Kent, Irving, Johnny and I who finally made aggrement to get there. Wew!

When we went outside the house, it was drizzling. Yet the sun shone brightly. Perhaps, it would be a perfect day to enjoy the beach. Nothing special. Nothing new to myself. I was just quite in the group.

We arrived at the beach almost ten o'clock in the morning. Walking on the shore, we travelled the distance reaching at the end of the runway in the airport. We sit there for a while, talked things even beyong imagination. (hehehe... it was fun when the guard running after and warning us that it is prohibited to get in there...)

The place was good even we just stayed there for a while. The ocean breeze feels so much relaxing. It was calm and the breeze was so lonely... Yet I was awakened when I found out my friends are running away. (hahaha). I just calmly walked to the end and come after them.

They all plunged into the water despite of the heat. I was just watching them from the shore. Never had a plan to bathe in the sea. (I was freezing then).

When they played long jump, I joined them. (I wasn't a loser because I ranked second to Johnny in the game. The difference perhaps is a footstep. hehehe...)

We also had a trip getting inside the Silliman Farm where we watch the giant clams (I don't think it was giant) and crocodile in their pins. hehehe. Nothing remarkable. It was just a crocodile when I normally see long before. Just a normal reptile. We're just making fun of anything we encountered inside the farm like the aquarium, and with some precautionary signs inside. I enjoyed somehow. It was a big leap of moving on.

We returned home at noon time because I still have to report on duty at one o'clock in the afternoon. But after I was putting my uniform on, I was looking at Johnny and decided not to work. I then, called the office that I can just be at the office around six o'clock in the evening (and I succeeded to make an alibi, hahaha!).

We rode my motorcycle and went to the Carmelites and pray. It was Johnny, Irving and I. We stayed at the church maybe almost and hour then proceed to Sibulan church, to lit up a candle for St. Anthony. We just made a road trip even if the rain was heavy. We made it to Sibulan almost wet. Nothing in mind really but to enjoy the rain at the same time. After praying, we returned to the house. And since, six o'clock is too long to wait, Johnny suggested to stroll in Valencia and then, we found ourselves jamming in the Karaoke bar (hehehe) with the tanduay flat and a litre of coke. wew! I never drank anyway. I was still thinking that I would still be at work at six in the evening. That was almost four o'clock in the afternoon.

Time passes to quickly. That time we spent together with Johnny and Irving made me forget about what I'm feeling. Seems I am pulled out from the mud I was fallen unto. It's not easy to forget things when heart is concerned at all. But I was relieved by how my freinds keep me. I am just waiting for the day until I could finally said, that I was over it.

We returned home 1755HH. And I reported to work.

Moving On...

It's 2:26 in the morning. Still up thinking of the things I've been through. Realizing how strong I am that I've gone this far. Thanks to all the affection that my friends has given to me. The love and care that they showed to me when I was totally down. Thanks for encouraging me that the world hasn't totally turn me out.

Times for me was so tough. Fighting something which is no longer worth for. Yet, thanks for all the understanding. My friends have seen how badly I was broken, call my attention when I suddenly lost my consciousness, and tap my back when I suddenly cried. Thanks. You made me realize that I wasn't left by people who truly love me.

I was hurt. I tried to run away from the situation. But later, I understand that I need to face the truth. Not to hide from it. Not to run.

The care my family and friends has given to me comforted my feelings. I will move on no matter how hard it would be. I know I can. And you will see once again the sweetest of my smile (hehehe), then I could live my life without putting my happiness with others. I will now live my life and claime it is mine.

Thanks for the heartaches and pains. It made me a better man.

Unfaithful Heart

Everything seems to be perfect. Everyone was once happy. I dream of something big. Then I dream with her.

I took out the responsibility I know, never owned because I wanted her to realize her biggest dream. ...her dream of becoming an accountant.

I meet her when I was in college. I was very young and she was too. But I started to dream of realizing her dreams after hearing her answers in the footage during a university's pageant. Her words were so desperate to realize her dreams. Then I decided to be the catalyst of what she said.

I was in my third year that time. So much eager to graduate so that I could start helping her. And though, I was also still in my studies, I find ways to bridge up the distance between us. Miles and miles we were apart yet, I still dream something big for her. It's working. I made it work. We made it work.

When she had claims for her school project, I was there to listen. From the simple VCO of the marketing class to the payment of her reviewer when she wasn't around. Enough for me to hear words of gratitude. Enough for me to hear that I am part of her family and only her family in the city we keep struggling. Seems just the two of us helping each other to survive.

I was treating her my wife and my everything. All her needs, I was trying to secure. All that I can. All that I am. And I was forgetting myself. I love her more than my family since I was able to forget them just because she was my priority. Because I had my dream with her. Because I believe, I could have my family next to her after her dreams is realized. I never realized that I was dreaming all about her. Just for her. Only for her. And I forget all the people around me.

Time may change, yet, I had proven to myself that never will I. From the start of our relationship, I was Michael. And all these years I am still am. Proven by time that my love will never change. Still I was on her feet carrying her and push her closer to her dreams. And now she's close, I was stepped on and left me broken. She had changed. She had forgotten everything. She has forgotten how I sacrificed to help her to realize everything.

I am not supposed to count all these things. But I am thinking from which point I had mistaken. And I realized one thing. I love someone with an unfaithful heart. It was just I care alone. It was just I was the only one to be true.

I love her and I wanted to let her feel the comfort even in my own small way. She has forgotten that I placed her in a dormitory to feel the comfort as she will study.

All my sacrifices were never appreciated. It was even betrayed. Her heart is unfaithful. She didn't love me. She never care for me. She only thinks on her own way. She never care about the way I sacrifice my everything just for her. She hurt me despite my doings. She only think of her own feelings. She has changed.

My life would never be the same now. Before, I got all my inspiration to wake up every morning and report to my work. But things has changed. And perhaps time for me to move on, and go my own way after trying to save our relationship. After enduring all the pains.

I am strong. I know. And this experience wouldn't stop me from living. I never lost anything. It's just them who lost something big because of condemnming me. I will move on. I will fix back myself. I will dream with myself. My family. And with my friends, who honestly care for me.

Enough is enough. I'll keep moving on. I don't deserve someone who would change in a moment. I had given you my all. Yet, you never get contented.

Spending My Time

It was passed 12 o'clock in the midnight when I stepped out from the office. My heart is heavy. Life was dull and seems no rison at all to go on.

Another day has gone. Another day spent filled with pains.

Who could then understand me with the way how I feel? Perhaps, nobody but me. Nobody can help except myself to stand in the middle of the fight. I must be strong to stand against the odds.

I was checking my wallet as I walk out the door. Just couple of hundred bills left and my motorcycle is running out of gasoline. I decided to run to the ATM to get some cash.

The night was cold, and good for me that I was wearing my jacket as I walked alone down to a distant ATM . The streets were empty.

As I was operating the ATM, I noticed the woman, shivering in cold just meters away from me. She was sitting at the bank entrance in folded knees as she was fighting the cold. Pity was she. No shelter. No family. No friends.

I paused for minutes looking at her. Thinking of some notions if how lucky I am for having some things other people don't have. Despite of a broken heart, still lucky enough that I wasn't living in a place like the woman does.

She doesn't say anything. She doesn't talk. She doesn't look at me. And perhaps, she wanted to exchange her life to a kind of life like I have. And that, I had lot of things learned just by looking the caricature.

Life doesn't end when your heart is broken. Lot of people would love to exchange their lives from the way we live, even though it means breaking our heart. Still I am lucky that the only hurt I have is at that from losing someone I love most. But I know. My life doesnt end there, and I will treasure it forever and a day.

I believe I am still lucky. Lucky enough to exist with family and friends. My love life may not be as beautiful like of a movie with happy ending. But I know, and I know, I have my day to smile watching the sunrise.

I'm so lucky despite. And my life doesnt end just because of the painful experiences. Still, I am complete. Nothing is lost but my love for the wrong person. Still, I got my life complete. I know, time will heal the wounds. Time will keep the pain. Maybe not now. But for sure. That day will come, and I will give a damn smile remembering these heartaches... (starting to smile).

I'm about to leave then. But thinking the woman was in cold, I took off my jacket and wrapped her. I went to a nearby fastfood and order a hot soup and brought it to her. I went back to the office and my heart was lightened.

Very simple scenario. Yet, I learned that there is still so much to live for. There are things, that no matter how you hold on to make it stay, it would still slipped away. No matter how you ignore the pain just to make it stay, it would still run away from you. But don't get lost. Learn to think that life goes on and you deserve something better...

Live your life and don't depend your happiness from others. See if who walks with you at the end of your journey. Happiness is a choice. Choose to be happy.